Too Much: the hilarious, heartfelt memoir

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Tom uses a series of short stories to share his journey of managing grief after the death of his father. His stories are honest, emotional, funny and relatable. He is both genuine and sincere, and if like me you have lost a parent, you can probably see your grief and it’s journey reflected in his words. Ultimately, this is eulogy, but one that is honest and forthright. Allen reflects on his father's attitudes and behaviours have shaped him, how the parent and child relationship evolves (while in some ways remains the same) and how life goes on....while keeping the memory of loved ones alive. There is comedy as well as pathos, much of it focusing on Allen’s conflicting desperation both to fit in and to be special. Occasionally, self-deprecation crosses into self‑flagellation, and some of his analysis is painful to read. He has a perfectionist’s eye (and an obsession with interior design) and is expert at skewering the banality of grief – such as when a funeral home “resembled less a threshold between this life and the next and more a conference suite … the sort of space a local accountancy firm might hold its quarterly meetings”.

The idea of “too much” takes on several meanings. “Dad and I were very different and at times I worried I could be too much for him,” Allen begins. “For example, I was brought up to resist any unnecessary dramatics. For my parents, this was an uphill struggle.” Elsewhere, it feels “too much” to ask straight friends to go with him to a gay bar. He worries that “if I started living my life too much, there would be a price to pay”. No favour was ever “too much” for his dad. His loss is “too much to understand”.

With moving honesty and wit, Tom writes beautifully about those days, weeks and months following his family's loss, and about how bewildering the practicalities of life can be in the wake of an upheaval - those moments, really, when everything can start to feel a bit too much... The author's voice comes through very clearly and there are some wonderful phrases that I can imagine as part of a stand up act. My problem with the book is that the anecdotes are not developed enough. I finished the book knowing about some things that had happened but not enough about his feelings and emotions. Chapter 11 - “He is right here in the vegetable patch, in the time I make to spend with my new families, in the things he said to me, repeating in my head - you can never have too much love. From being thrown into an unreal reality: the surreal nature of sitting in an undertaker's, choosing a casket, previously unimaginable, to the stages of reflection, recrimination, and acceptance, Too Much, is a story of bereavement, maturity and continuance.

Chapter 10 - “The things I did say, and more painfully the things I was unable to say, play over and over again on the movie projector in my head, tinged at times with terrible regret. Happily settled in a new relationship and with a dream house of his own, comedian Tom Allen had finally moved on from the arrested development of millennial life and could at last call himself an adult. It was worth continuing...the audio book is read by Tom, and although 'performed' (it is typically Tom Allen, which is a joy), his reading adds to its authenticity, nuanced with gentle inflexion.However, don't be put off by thinking that Too Much is a book to be avoided because of its subject matter. Yes, it's a book about the aftermath of a bereavement, but it's so much more about life; Tom's father emerges as a loving, devoted dad who in turn is loved by his devoted sons, Tom and James.

This is not a challenging book to read after the loss of a parent but is almost refreshing, and a lovely tribute to Tom’s beloved father. Too Much by Tom Allen is the wonderfully funny and moving new book for 2022 by one of Britain's most charming comedians. Tom’s dad was an avid gardener and tried to teach him a thing or too, which Tom was never too keen on. But when his dad died, Tom turned to gardening to deal with his grief and wished he’d paid more attention to his dad’s lessons. This resonates with me so much, as this was also me and my mum: Chapter 9 - “Losing a parent is the moment when you truely become an adult. There are other markers of course, turning 18, living away from home, learning how to drive. But none feel as profound as the moment you realise you no longer have the grown up protection you had when you were a child.” At the start of 2021, all was going blissfully well for Tom Allen. He'd recently moved into his own house, he was in his first serious relationship, and at last felt like a proper adult. Life was still constricted by the necessity of staying safe from Covid, but he was happy and contented. And then in late 2021 Tom's father died unexpectedly, and everything changed.An extraordinary portrait of a son navigating his way through grief and loss in real time. Funny, candid, and measured' GRAHAM NORTON after newsletter promotion The funniest and most memorable chapter recalls Allen’s first trip to a gay sauna