Listen: A powerful new book about life, death, relationships, mental health and how to talk about what matters – from the Sunday Times bestselling author ... to Find the Words for Tender Conversations

Product Information

A big mistake is trying to fix the other person's problems or offer false reassurances: "If you feel 'at least' coming out of your mouth, it doesn't matter what else you're going to say. It's the wrong thing to say," Mannix said. Helping them to look on the bright side is a well-intentioned, but hopeless and potentially hurtful strategy, she said. Avoid phrases like, "At least your wife has a job" or "at least you're young enough to get pregnant again," she said. In ‘Listen: How to find the words for tender conversations’, Dr Kathryn Mannix suggests that while there is no single ‘right way’ to break unwelcome news, there are wrong ways, which are not just about the words we use. Instead of offering a script, Mannix uses stories – some from her own experiences, others fictional – to review and discuss some key principles and skills for those tasked with such difficult conversations. Respecting silence can be a challenge if there are several people in the conversation. You may need to be explicit, saying: “Let’s give each other time to think” or “I think we need a moment of quiet now”. Support, don’t ‘fix’ The author, Dr Kathryn Mannix, started her career in cancer care and then moved into palliative care. She is honest and real in this book and give examples of how she got things wrong early in her career when talking to people in traumatic situations. She then explains how those conversations could have been so much better for all concerned.

By asking curious questions during tender conversations we can seek, explore and clarify information. As a palliative care doctor, Mannix has talked to countless families about the death of a loved one. She realized that the techniques that she's learned are "not just about end of life conversations, but about all those conversations that we feel a bit daunted about." This is a little different from the other books about listening that I have listed because it centers the skill within the practice of mindfulness. As someone with an interest in Buddhism, I was interested in how the author related it to listening and it made a lot of sense to me: Some people see zen or mindfulness as empty buzzwords, but her message can be summed up quite simply:Like a number of the books on this list, this isn't a title to read in one go and to put aside. It's one to put on the shelf and return to over and over again; as I said earlier, it's a lifelong skill that you have to work on to keep it sharp. Your relationships will be all the better for the work you have put into your listening skills.

When we're trying to talk to our teenagers and they don't want our advice, it's because we're telling, not asking." she said. "It's because we're imposing, not inviting. So this isn't just about medical conversations. This is how we deal with each other when the stakes are high and how that works in conversations right across life." Actually, my contribution to them is my time, my listening, my kindness, my determination to not get in the way offering my own fixes that are not the right fixes for that person.” It’s OK to take comfort from talking to someone who has died What’s the secret of communicating well? It turns out that it’s not so much what we say as how we behave, and the most important thing of all is the way we listen – really listen – to the other person. This is a wonderfully practical book, well laid out and easy to read. The language is familiar and conversational, and the illustrations are a nice touch. Kathryn Mannix is our modern-day prophet … This is an essential book for anyone interested in themselves and their fellow humans’Greg Wise -Because talking about death won’t make it happen. But not talking about it robs us of choices and moments that will not come again” People sometimes continue to talk to someone they’ve lost as if they are still there. It doesn’t mean they don’t realise they’re dead, or that they’re not processing the loss. It can simply be comforting ritual. This is a book about empathy, about supporting people – whether they are your family, friends, or patients.