Rude Stories

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We can be subtle and friendly at first, but if our guests can’t (or won’t!) take the increasingly overt hints, it might be time to (politely) urge them to leave. Turn off the music, start doing the dishes, exaggerate your yawns (you’ve got an early start tomorrow, right?), slap your knees while standing up and say “well…”—do whatever you have to do to get the people who ruined your night out of your home. And may they never darken your doorstep again. Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting. Now that she mentions it, her two sons (I’m guessing around fourteen to fifteen) do seem to be enjoying the view. Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.” – Frankie Boyle

One universally loved story is by renowned writer O. Henry and called The Gift of the Magi. The story is about a young couple who sacrifice for each other to buy Christmas gifts. They end up exchanging gifts that are no longer usable because of the sacrifices they made to buy them. An updated version of this story called Sappy Modern Love Story is available as part of the 500 Ironic Stories collection.upvotes Follow Unfollow 6 months ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.” – Gary Delaney With so many brilliantly funny Horrid Henrystories out there, it's easy for children to get hooked. Now we have ideas about What to Read After Horrid Henry - and we want your thoughts too! A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. He was still going on about how stupid I was when I looked him right in the eyeball and said, with an ever so slight suggestion of irony,”How’s your sandwich?”

There are any number of unforgivable dinner guest faux-pas, everything from a guest refusing to take off their stiletto heels on your new softwood floors (I’m Canadian and we don’t wear shoes indoors at parties!), or bringing extra guests or kids to a dinner party when they were not invited (no, just no), to refusing to try anything served to them, or haranguing others about their diet choices," Jessica listed just some of the ways that guests can make the host feel bad about inviting them. Later she chases the not bisexual friend all over the house in... a very predatory [manner] - I physically stop her by grabbing her wrists and say, "What the hell is going on with you?" She replies, "Go ahead, break my wrists." When I came out, she’d set food on the table (some which wasn’t meant to be served.) She also gathered branches and leaves from the yard and created a table scape? We made small talk as I chopped vegetables for a frittata and she whipped eggs. She did most of the chatting.When I brought the food out, the little girl said, “Thank you.” The mother responded, “You don’t have to thank her honey, that’s her job.” 2. She complained about… what?!?! Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on. Short funny stories for adults: 1. The Lions and the Lamp: