Daring To Take Up Space

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There is a lot of research that suggests that the way we hold our bodies can have an impact on our minds. For example, adopting a posture of confidence can make you feel more confident, while keeping yourself in a shrinking posture can make you feel insecure. One way to take up space physically is to focus on your posture, on lengthening your spine and broadening your shoulders. That is how taking up space in a healthy way looks like. You may also observe how leaders, public speakers and confident people compose themselves. Becoming more aware of your body and learning to express yourself can help you feel more powerful and in control. When you take up space, you communicate that you have a place in the world and that your voice deserves to be heard.

There was my craving to be liked – so strong and nervous that never could I open myself friendly to another. The terror of failure in an effort so important made me shrink from trying; besides, there was the standard; for intimacy seemed shameful unless the other could make the perfect reply, in the same language, after the same method, for the same reasons’ -T. E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom Some parts were emotionally challenging and slapped me in the face. Others I feel like I disagreed with, or were too trite for me.When a parent is emotionally volatile, they naturally take up all the emotional space at home. On the outside, they may be charming and sociable, but their colourful personality and exciting life come at a cost for their children. They constantly have some kind of big ups or downs, drama or intense conflicts that demands attention, leaving no room for a child to express their needs. I so clearly remember what it was like, being young and always in the grip of some big fat daydream. I wanted to be a writer always, but more than that, I wanted to have an extraordinary life. I’m sure I dreamed it a million different ways, and that plenty of them were ridiculous, but I think the daydreams were training for writing, and I also think they spurred me to pursue my dreams for real. This may mean you must practise talking about yourself and expressing your feelings, even if you start small and only do a little of it. The truth is that people can only feel connected to you if you are occasionally open and able to talk about yourself. As much as possible, trust that other people want to get to know the real you, not a made-up version based on their expectations. Do you find it challenging to promote yourself in situations where it is appropriate, such as a job interview? Do you always try to shift the focus onto others when you are in a conversation or a group, to try and not talk about yourself?

In a healthy relationship, what you exchange is balanced and not overly skewed one way. Thus, you shouldn’t always be the listener or supporter but also have room to ‘take’ other people’s support, listening, and time.One reason parents silence gifted children is to protect their siblings. This can happen in various ways but often includes the idea that the gifted child must not stand out or be arrogant. As a result, the gifted child is not allowed to participate in more challenging work or activities, not praised for their accomplishments, or even hidden from other family members. When traumatized children enter an unfamiliar space, they become extremely cautious and vigilant, watching for any sign of threat and vigilantly observing their parents’ reactions. Even if they get permission to play, they do not know what to do in a vast open space without instructions. Do you think therapy or counselling is useless because "talking about yourself" does not have value? When interacting with others, practise simply relaxing in their presence. Try to experiment with not doing anything, saying anything, or impressing anyone. You are not asked to advise, be useful, or advise anyone. Even when others are expressing distress, you can practice ‘just’ listening and offering your quiet presence. This will help you gradually realize that your mere existence is sufficient and that ”doing” has its limits. You are allowed to take up space. Own who you are and what you want for yourself. Stop downplaying the things you care about, the hopes you have. Own your passions, your thoughts, your perceptions. Own your fire. Stop putting your worth in the hands of others; stop letting them decide your value. Own saying no, saying yes. Own your mood, your feelings. Own your plans, your path, your success.”

In addition, children of narcissistic parents may have difficulty asserting their own needs and desires because growing up; it was never about them. Whenever they express their needs, they are punished. So even as adults, they feel a compulsive need to always pander to others. Despite what you may believe, you can disappoint people and still be good enough. You can make mistakes and still be capable and talented. You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love. Everyone has disappointed someone they care about. Everyone messes up, lets people down, and makes mistakes. Not because we’re inadequate or fundamentally inept, but because we’re imperfect and fundamentally human. Expecting anything different is setting yourself up for failure.” Some parents do not abuse their children but are so emotionally vulnerable that they rely on their children for support rather than be in the caretaking roles. Children of these parents are said to have been ‘parentified’. One can be parentified by taking on tasks like running errands or cooking, but it is even more damaging to be emotionally parentified. (For an in-depth article on what it means to be parentification, please see here). If you were emotionally parentified, you would constantly be taking care of your parents’ psychological needs. You might be a counsellor, a mediator, or a friend to your parent. You may even fill in a gap left by one of your parents’ absence and stand in as a surrogate partner. This is for anyone who needs a reminder that you deserve to take up space in the world and that you are enough.of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars Daring To Take Up Space by Daniell Koepke I want to talk about creating your life. There’s a quote I love, from the poet Mary Oliver, that goes:

Some people may think that taking up space is “selfish”, but in reality, taking up space is a sign of healthy strength and self-confidence. It allows you to be received by others and manifest your gifts. By taking up space, you say, “I am here and will not be ignored.” People with narcissistic parents are afraid to take up space because they have learned that it is not safe to do so. They may have been constantly criticized by their parents or made to feel small, which has caused them to doubt themselves and their worth. As a result, they often think they have to apologize for their existence and be quiet to avoid attention or criticism. Try not to view taking up space as an act of egotism. Consider your expression to be a contribution. When you speak up, you express your ideas and provide opportunities for others to do the same. Even if only one person benefits from what you say, it is still worthwhile to share it. Another reason parents suppress a gifted child’s ability to shine is that they feel intimidated. If you were a gifted child – whether intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually – your parents may not have intended to hurt you, and they may not have been aware that they were constantly silencing you. But because they were uncomfortable being seen through and confronted continuously with your radical honesty, they tried subtly or explicitly to keep you from voicing your views. Moreover, if they do not have a good relationship with their emotional world, your strong emotions and intensity may also be felt as a threat to them. So, to protect themselves, they make you think that you are in the wrong for showing your feelings and speaking your truth. Because you have internalized the message that your natural self is a threat to others and that your parents would “love you less” if you continue to take up space, you have been conditioned to mute yourself. Do you feel going to counselling or therapy is useless because there is no value in ‘talking about yourself?Try not to think of this as an egotistical act. Instead, think of your expression as a contribution. When you speak up, you share your thoughts and open up opportunities for others to share theirs. Afterall, even if only one person benefits from what you say, it would be worth bringing it out into the world. Taking up space means occupying physical or psychological territory assertively and confidently. You can do a few things to start taking up more space in your life. Do you find it hard to engage in any self-promotion, even in situations where it is appropriate, like a job interview?